Phoenix Badass Suggests Making Hatband From Wild Snake

A local badass named Mike Davis saw a post of a rattlesnake on his Facebook feed Tuesday morning, and sprung into action.

“Looks like a hatband and a pare(sic) of boots”, commented Davis on the photograph post of a wild Blacktailed Rattlesnake.

The rattlesnake was photographed by a local hiker and posted to a popular Facebook group. Dozens of likes and comments poured in within minutes, highlighting the beautiful coloration of the snake and how gracefully it blends in with its environment. Davis, who’s only hat is a baseball hat found in the Salt River during a tubing session and does not benefit from a hatband, noticed something disturbing.

“All these comments are all about how pretty the snake is and not about the real deal, Mike Davis”, he noted in a telephone interview. “I have seen 2 rattlesnakes in my 25 years in Arizona so I know my stuff. Women in Phoenix need to know that I’m a wild outdoors real man that’s not afraid to needlessly slaughter wild animals for absolutely no reason. They eat that sh*t up.”

Though admitting that he’s never made boots, or even owns any, Davis is confident that his appeal to the hatband community will cause his personal brand to skyrocket in the minds of his community.

“I’m sure I’m the only person to have ever said ‘hatband’ on a rattlesnake picture before. That’s the kind of wit you can’t buy in fancy stores in California.” he said of his ingenuity.

Davis, who ran screaming from the last rattlesnake he saw as it slept under a tree nearly 20 feet away, continued “These snowflakes who said to buy a hatband at Walmart just don’t know how to impress my dad, I mean women.”

When asked if he would do it again, Davis advised not to overdo it, and mix it up. Top suggestions for next time include comments relating to “good eatin” and various shotgun references.

Be On Watch for Rattlesnakes Displaced by Rain

Immediately after a heavy rain, like the one that swept through the valley last night, we often receive an increased number of snake removal calls.

Rattlesnakes often use holes in dry washes and drainage systems to hide from the intense, dry heat of the early Summer. When the rain suddenly appears, those that have not yet left their hiding spots are sometimes caught in the rising waters and end up in odd places. Sometimes, the rain is just enough to make their chosen hiding spot undesirable, and they’re forced to move on. That means they sometimes head for the nearest available cover as the day heats up: alongside homes and buildings with suitable overhangs to protect from the sun.

Be extra aware if you live next to a wash, drainage area, or other places that are dramatically affected by the rain. If you live on the edge of the desert and have sections of your property that have flooded, especially areas with full cover like sheds and decorative rock features, you should also be cautious.

This is all normal, and temporary, and just one more thing to keep in mind as we all go out to pick up fallen palm fronds and survey any damage to our homes from the storm.

Does the rain mean that there are more rattlesnakes than normal?

Nope. Rattlesnakes don’t spontaneously appear from the dirt when touched by rain. While higher average rainfall can, over a period of years, lead to a higher survival rate of young rattlesnakes, and help keep the adults already here well-fed and alive, more rain doesn’t mean more snakes. It may bring cooler temperatures and more suitable conditions for snake activity … and human activity, so there may be an increase of encounters. The idea that a season of heavy rain means more large rattlesnakes will be out there is false.

Is this green snake a real thing?

The latest misinformation festival to rise from Facebook’s boiling froth of low critical thinking skills and starving egos is this series of photographs:

These show a bright, neon green rattlesnake, reported to be from Colorado. The bright green coloration has caused these photos to spread all over Facebook as a sighting of the much dreaded Mojave Green rattlesnake, which has mysterious super powers of chasing after people and attacking for no reason (not really).

It’s not a Mojave Rattlesnake.

This photograph is not a Mojave, which does not live in Colorado. It is a Prairie Rattlesnake. As covered elsewhere, Mojave Rattlesnakes may be green, but are also tan, brown, and everything in between. Green coloration is not an indication of Mojave anything … in fact, other species are often much more likely to be green, like the Blacktailed Rattlesnake (also often misidentified as a Mojave) and Prairie Rattlesnake, as in this case.

Is the color real? Sorry to disappoint, but you probably already know the answer. No, this photograph is doctored and enhanced. There are very green rattlesnakes out there, even Prairie Rattlesnakes that come close to this hue, though this particular neon glow is fake.

It’s fake everyone. We can go home now.

How do I know? I have unleashed the mysterious forces of “zooming in” on the photo. Here’s what I saw:

Other areas along the edge of the body were also missed.

Based on that sample of color, here’s an approximation of the color of the snake … a much more reasonable color for a Prairie Rattlesnake.

If you still have doubts, please contact us.

I have a bright pink Grizzly Bear available for sale.

Should you use a pressure bandage for a rattlesnake bite?

According to authorities on toxinology, no.

A lot of information out there about what to do if you’re bitten by a rattlesnake is vague on the topic. Most these days will correctly advise not to use a tourniquet, but are less clear when it comes to compression or an attempt to slow the progress of venom throughout the body.

The issue here is complicated. A properly applied compression bandage may slow body-wide symptoms, but the key word here is ‘properly’. Studies have shown that this isn’t often the case, and trapping venom that destroys tissue in one area can be much more dangerous overall.

Some information out there is also not clear which continent it refers to. Bitten by a Black Mamba? This information isn’t for you … a neurotoxic bite that isn’t actively turning tissue to dead goo has different rules. If you’re in the United States, you’re most likely wondering about bites by our species of vipers (rattlesnakes, cottonmouths, copperheads), so don’t get confused by an article out of Australia or the Middle East.

It may not sit well with many that there really is no first-aid for rattlesnake bites, but really, just focus on getting help.

Please don’t take my word for it, read the position statement: